uThando Lwethu: Our Love Story
Conceived in my spirit, birthed in my heart
I have loved my daughter long before I knew how we would be together, she has always been in my spirit. I am a 30-something year old single black female in South Africa, trying my best to live the life I was purposed for, and being a mother was always part of that purpose. Like the majority of women all over the world, my plan was to meet a charming young lad, fall in love, get married and have a soccer team of children. We all know that life doesn´t always go according to our plans, sometimes life´s plans for you are far greater than any you could conceive for yourself.
At the age of 25 years I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) and found myself having to face questions about my fertility. I was scared, very scared at the prospect of never having children. There are two main responses I always get when someone learns that I am an adoptive mother; 1) “Why adopt?” 2) ”Wow, I´ve always wanted to adopt”. So, ironically, my answer often is “I have always wanted to adopt”. And it´s true, I have always wanted to adopt, and that becomes the “acceptable” answer to that question because no-one really wants to hear the truth, the hurt and disappointment in your voice as you say “I can´t have children biologically”. No-one wants to hear the excitement and fear, packaged in one
I knew when I was 10 years old that adoption would be part of my family plan, I have always wanted a big family. It was conceived in my spirit at a young age, and when I had to work through the PCOS diagnosis and what it potentially meant, adoption came alive in me, it was birthed in my heart and I spent about 3 years prior to finally making the decision trying to get as much information as I could. The available information at the time was lacking, especially for someone like me, I desperately searched hoping to find a voice I could relate to, I didn´t find it.
I began the process in January 2015, the year I turned 32 years old. Ask any of my friends and they will tell you that I am a very driven person, I am passionate about the work I do in African infrastructure development and have invested my soul into building a strong career. Relationships were not a major focus area, and I didn´t invest as much into them, I would date here and there. Over the years, the desire to be a parent grew stronger but I was single. So, what´s a single woman with questions about her fertility to do???
I met my beautiful, loving, kind, funny, daughter on the 15th October 2015 and this is our love story…uthando lwethu…